Showing posts with label choice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choice. Show all posts

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Do today’s headlines fill you with despair?

Do you feel overwhelmed with “bad news” and don’t know how we will ever be able to “fix things”

in the world today?


Currently I am  teaching a Current Events class to high school-age students.  Sometimes I will hear

the students say, “I hate the news.  There are too many problems.”  They are growing up in an age

where people do not trust government.  They see school shootings and wonder how they can protect

themselves, not to mention protect others.


The refugee crises in the world are painful to learn about,

Are there good people in the world?   Where are the solutions?   Why should they care?  Can the problems be

solved?.    Maybe it’s just too overwhelming.



When I talk to their parents about current events, I hear them say, “I try not to pay too much attention

to what is going on,” or “I don’t keep up with current events.  It’s too depressing, and I can’t do

anything about them.”



There is a feeling of despair. The problems are so complex, and there are so many of them!


Over and over, though, I teach my students  that it’s imperative that we must know about current

events.  We must see what is really happening, and understand why it is happening.  The reason I

believe this is important is that there are solutions.  But those solutions are only going to be seen if

we learn to understand emotions.



When we understand our emotions, we can put them into context, and look for meaning.
.


Principle 2:  A feeling plus a thought equals an emotion.



An ancient prophet in the Book of Mormon saw great problems in the world too..  His name was Alma.


Alma 4:Yea, he saw great inequality among the people, some lifting themselves up with their pride,

despising others, turning their backs upon the aneedy and the naked and those who were hungry, and

those who were athirst, and those who were sick and afflicted.


There were so many problems, and awful things happening, that he was filled with sorrow.  Notice,

however, that he did not let that sorrow turn into despair.  Instead, he literally infused his feeling of

sorrow with joy.  



Is that really possible? The reality of what is happening can seem totally overwhelming.  Don’t we

have to fix the problems BEFORE we can find joy?



No.  That’s actually backwards, and the reason it’s backwards is that solutions come as we

understand our emotions.



Using the Principles, we see the situation, feel it, and then examine our thoughts. We could choose  

thoughts like these,


  • I will just ignore the problems.  I can’t make a difference anyway.
  • The problems are too overwhelming, so I will just do the best I can.  I won’t get involved in them, or try to make a difference, because you can’t fix them anyway.


Or, as Alma taught the people, we could choose different thoughts.


Yes, Alma saw the situation.  He saw people begin to persecute one another, and he saw how that

inequality caused great “iniquity.”


But he knew that emotions lead to action.  He knew that the first step is to understand emotions .

Begin with choosing a paradigm. That’s why it’s so important to know what we are thinking and what

we are feeling.    Instead of choosing a paradigm of hopelessness, and being “stuck” in the problem,

Alma taught the people to choose “belief,” and “trust” that the situation could be resolved.


That’s where other Principles of Emotions come in.



Principle 3:  Emotions lead to action.


Since our emotions do lead to action, Alma knew that despair would lead to “inactivity” or a spirit of

pessimism.  



Principle 4:  Re-solving emotions is possible.


Alma knew this too.  In order to re-solve emotions, though, we have to re-solve our paradigm. Instead

of believing in “problems,” we have to believe in “solutions.”  Alma knew that once the people believed

there were solutions, they would find hope.  True hope leads to a feeling of joy.  That joy doesn’t come

after problems are solved; that joy comes in the middle of the solution!




That’s Principle 5:  Peace in any circumstance is possible.


Here’s what Alma helped the people understand, and here’s what happened.  He taught them of

Christ, and of that Great Day when people will accept Christ as the Savior and Redeemer.  Alma’s

time was long before the birth and subsequent death of our Savior, but he knew about that, trusted

that it would happen, and knew of the salvation that brought.  The reality of that knowledge gave him

the ability to hope, to be full of faith, and to feel joy in the present moment. That paradigm also gives

us the strength to act, and to be led by the Spirit of the Lord in ways that will allow us to find solutions

to the problems that could seem overwhelming without that Spirit.    That same reality can be ours.  

The scripture talks about it this way:



Alma 4:14 "Looking forward to that day, thus retaining a remission of their sins; being filled with


great joy because of the resurrection of the dead, according to the will and power and deliverance of



Jesus Christ from the bands of death."

When we truly understand our emotions, and re-solve them,  we will feel peace.  That true peace

comes from God.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Consider Your Ways

Anxious thoughts plague us sometimes.  Worries, fears, and concerns are very real, and those anxious thoughts can be debilitating.  

What can we do about that?

The answer lies in a two-step process.  

First, “consider your ways.”  I love the scripture in Haggai, Chapter 1, beginning with verse 5.

5 Now therefore thus saith the Lord of hosts; Consider your ways.

6 Ye have sown much, and bring in little; ye eat, but ye have not enough; ye drink, but ye are not filled with drink; ye clothe you, but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages earneth wages to put it into a bag with holes.

7 ¶ Thus saith the Lord of hosts; Consider your ways.


The Lord is telling Haggai to talk to the people and help them understand.  They had problems, and they wanted to find the answers they needed.  It’s interesting, that what The Lord told them was first, to stop, and to “consider their ways.”  Many times when I have a problem, what I want is this:

An immediate solution that will simply take away the problem.

The Lord rarely works that way.  We are supposed to grow and learn, and to have experiences.  So each new problem or difficult or challenge is an opportunity to grow, and to become more like our Savior.  That’s really the issue, as the Lord sees it.  How can He help us use this particular situation to become more like HIm?  How can He help us develop more confidence in Him, or more patience, or more ability to understand, or help us gain more strength?  That’s HIS goal.

Many times, though, I forget that eternal perspective, and what I simply want is to “be out” of the problem.  I don’t particularly want to be stronger, or more patient or kind.  I just want “out.”

Yet the Lord does not always give me what I think I want.  He gives me what will be best for me.

So - consider our ways.  That’s the first step.

The second step is to do this:

Combine anxiety with faith.

Jacob 1:5 says: For because of faith and great anxiety, it truly had been made manifest unto us concerning our people, what things should happen unto them.

Notice that Jacob says he combined anxiety with faith.  He did not combine anxiety with fear, doubt, discouragement, or anything else.  He combined it with faith.

We can use this two-step process to help us deal with our anxious fears and thoughts.
 
   
                                                                         


Process: 
Consider your ways.
Combine anxiety with faith.






Example:

Janet (yes, this is a personal example) was simply overwhelmed.   I had many concerns.  One of my  children was really struggling with some honesty issues, and they were serious concerns.  Another child had a health issue that was very concerning, and so far nothing had helped.  That was a tremendous problem.  There were other things too.   found that I was so anxious about these different things, that I couldn’t focus, and I couldn’t think of anything else.  I needed to be able to calm down so that I could even think rationally about the issues, but I knew the anxiety was getting worse instead of better.

So - follow the process.  As soon as I began to consider my ways, I felt more hope.  First, I could see that I simply had not taken the time to pray.  Because I had been up constantly during the night, when I  woke up, it was to a critical crisis with a child. I had not yet managed to find a time to take a quiet moment to pray.  

I actually remember that day very well, because in that moment, I understood something.  I understood that the Lord knew how tired I was, but that He still wanted me to understand that I needed to pray.  How else would I find solutions?  I also knew that He understood the problem fully, and He knew that this was a day I didn’t actually have the ability to leave my children for even 10 minutes to go say a prayer.  BUT - I also knew that he expected me to pray anyway.  I realized that I could say to him, “Heavenly Father, I am moving to help a child, and this is my prayer time -- as I’m moving.  Please be with me.  Please help me to be able to have my body feel calm, as I consecrate my actions to Thee.  Please help me to help this child, as Thou would minister to this child.  Please help me to feel that, and to be guided by Thy Spirit.”  I could have prayed while running to the rescue!

Considering my ways helped me to see what I needed to do immediately in order to start the process of receiving answers.

How do I expect to RECEIVE if I have not taken the time to be receptive?

I had not been doing that.  My thoughts were like this:  What will I do if this health problem gets worse in Child #1?  And……………...how will we deal with the honesty issues with this child #2 -- they WILL get worse, and worse, and soon this child will be in trouble with others, and I know he will not listen to me, and he just does not care about anything or anyone………………….

That’s not faith.  

Instead, I could combine my anxiety with faith and choose to think thoughts like these:  

I have faith that Heavenly Father will help us figure out the health issue.  Have we considered a priesthood blessing?  Have I been praying that the doctors would be inspired to know how to help?  Have I been praying to know what topics I could research or study that would help us figure this out?

I have faith that Heavenly Father can teach me how to help my child really understand honesty and its importance.  What scripture stories can I share with my child that will touch his heart and help him feel the Spirit?  How does Heavenly Father teach His children how to be honest in the scriptures?  How can I make my home a place where the Spirit can be felt?  What are the principles that Heavenly Father uses to discipline His children?  How can i show more love to my child, and yet teach him of the principle of honesty?  

And - (this is extremely important) --  how can I trust that Heavenly Father will help me, so that I can let my body relax, and be able to feel of His peace?

Anxiety combined with faith is powerful.  It changes us inside - and it changes us on a bodily level, helping us to relax.  Instead of disabling, it becomes EN-ABLING as a powerful force, that will help us use problems to create good, and to enrich life.

Consider your ways.  Combine anxiety with faith.  A simple, effective, powerful solution.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Principle Two

Feelings & thoughts combine, form belief.
That is a paradigm.


Example:  1 Nephi 11


1 For it came to pass after I had desired to know the things that my father had seen, and believing that the Lord was able to make them known unto me, as I sat pondering in mine heart I was caught away in the Spirit of the Lord, yea, into an exceedingly high mountain, which I never had before seen, and upon which I never had before set my foot.


Mountain - representing temple, representing knowledge of God Himself.
He had to be there in order to learn this kind of thing about God.


We go to the temple to seek knowledge - believing He will grant us that knowledge.


Steps:  1.  Thinking about father’s vision.  2.  Pondered in heart.  That’s the combination - F&T.  As a result of that, he decided that he believed (next verses).  This is a paradigm.  So Nephi has chosen how to view things - with the lens of belief.

2 And the Spirit said unto me: Behold, what desirest thou?


The choice of how to combine his F&T led to having him realize what he wanted.  He made a decision to seek answers now.  Before, he didn’t know that is what he wanted.


When we want something, it’s because we have thought about it, and we have some kind of a feeling about it.


That’s what desire is.

3 And I said: I desire to behold the things which my father saw.


Why did he need to SAY it?  Is it because we have to acknowledge, answer, participate in the conversation?  Crucial conversations.  Is this “counseling” with the Lord?

4 And the Spirit said unto me: Believest thou that thy father saw the tree of which he hath spoken?


So - the Spirit knows what Nephi wants -but he still asks him what he believes about his father’s vision.  Specifically, he asks -- what do you believe about the tree?  So why would the Spirit ask that?


Well, the Spirit and Nephi are going to mutually talk together.  They have to have a mutually solid starting point of what is true.  So he asked:  Do you believe the words of your father?  If you do, I can expand upon them.  But if you do not believe those words, then we can’t expand upon them - because the issue would be that we need to go back and help you develop your faith to believe.  So we’d have to start with strengthening faith, rather than with exapnding upon where your faith already is.  But - Nephi had already decided that he believed the words of his father, and that’s what he told the Spirit.  So the Spirit could help Nephi understand what the tree was, and what the rod was, etc.  


If that wasn’t the case, then the Spirit would have had to have said, “Well, IF you believed the vision of your father, then IF your father saw the tree, this is what it would have meant.  But it wouldn’t work.  You can’t learn the things of God without the Spirit - without the FEEL.  Without the feel, it wouldn’t be real.  Without REAL, you can’t discern.  


This is why later L&L can see the angel - KNOW it is from God, but still feel fear when they think of what Laban could do to them (he’s so mighty!).  You can ONLY access the power of God through FEEL.  They couldn’t see how they could possibly be protected from Laban’s power, and they were afraid.  


It’s definitely the combination of our F&T that lead to being able to utilize the power of God and have faith in Him.  If we don’t have faith in HIm, it isn’t real to us - and if it isn’t real to us, we can’t be changed by that.

5 And I said: Yea, thou knowest that I believe all the words of my father.


Nephi is declaring his commitment to God, and He knows that.  We can’t really pick and choose what part of God’s words we will believe.  If we are going to believe HIM, we have to believe all His words.  He doth not vary.  Without that confidence in HIM, we can’t be transformed.  

6 And when I had spoken these words, the Spirit cried with a loud voice, saying: Hosanna to the Lord, the most high God; for he is God over all the earth, yea, even above all. And blessed art thou, Nephi, because thou believest in the Son of the most high God; wherefore, thou shalt behold the things which thou hast desired.


-----------------------


So how do we apply this to our own emotions?


We have to take responsibility for our own emotions.  We need to figure out what our emotions tell us about what we believe.  We do this by asking ourselves:


What am I believing about this?
What am I feeling about this?


And then we ask:


What do I want to ask God?  (Or -- DO I want to ask God? )


At this point, we acknowledge several things:

  1. There are answers, and God knows what they are.
  2. I have a right to ask my questions.  I ask those questions because I want to understand something - not because I ask those questions for personal gain or reward.  Nephi wanted to know what those things meant.
  3. He will reveal those answers to us, as we ponder and believe.
  4. We know that we are counseling with God, and acknowledge that He is there, and that He is helping us understand and learn and know.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Confidence Comes As We Choose What to Feel

One of the great truths of emotional health is that we can actually choose what we want to feel.  We can be in charge of our emotions and our feelings.  When we are consciously taking charge of what we feel, we will be confident.
frog.pngSo when we don't feel confident, it's time to look at our emotions.  Have we chosen the emotions that we want?  If not, how do we choose differently?
Choose to have faith.  Choose to change our heart and seek love.  With faith, hope, charity, and love, we will be qualified for the work.  That is confidence of the greatest sort.
Doctrine and Covenants 4:5 “And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work."



Monday, September 11, 2017

As You Go Forth


The Book of Mormon begins with the story of Lehi and his family.  In the very first chapter of 1 Nephi the story begins.  We are told how there are many prophets in Jerusalem, telling the people to repent.  Lehi is one of them.  


5 Wherefore it came to pass that my father, Lehi, as he went forth prayed unto the Lord, yea, even with all his heart, in behalf of his people.

6 And it came to pass as he prayed unto the Lord, there came a pillar of fire and dwelt upon a rock before him; and he saw and heard much;.....


Lehi was then shown a marvelous vision.  


How does this apply to emotional health?


There are many troubling things in our world today, just as Lehi faced in his day.  It would be natural to become confused, worried, or frustrated with many things that happen.  


Yet - if we can “go forth,” as Lehi did, we help ourselves out emotionally.  Just move forward - despite confusion, frustration, or uncertainty.  Make a choice to move, and move forward.  Do not stand still, and do not go back.  Move forward.  


Maybe that looks like this: If we are confused, make a choice that we think will help us move forward.  Maybe it isn’t a perfect choice.  Maybe we don’t know if it is the right choice.  But - do we think it will allow to move forward even a little bit?  Does it hold true to who we want to be?  If so, move forward.


Lehi certainly did not know that he would be asked to leave Jerusalem.  He just went forth -- forward.  


And as he did, he prayed.  We can do that too.

Miraculous things will happen as we start the momentum.